Laugh Lines

Oh my, these kids just crack me up. Here are some more of our never-dull moments:

When waiting in line at the grocery store, Gabriel suddenly started grabbing Zero bars and called to his brothers, "Guys! These candy bars cost zero cents!" I had to break it to him that "zero" was just the name of the candy bar and not the price. Poor kid.

A couple of weeks ago, the boys and I were watching the movie The Prince of Egypt. Elijah was staring with rapt attention during the scenes where Moses is demonstrating the power of God. He changes his stick into a serpent, turns a river into blood and promises plague after plague when Pharoah refuses to free the Hebrews. Elijah turned to me and said, "Mom, that's impossible, right?" I was ready to talk to him about miracles and the power of God to do anything. I asked, "What's impossible?" Elijah replied, "No one can grow a beard that long! That's crazy, right?" I guess when your father is the beardless wonder facial hair probably does seem miraculous. A river of blood? Meh. Moses' beard? Now that's something.

David John is quite the literal fellow. We drove past a road sign with an arrow indicating that we should go straight. He said, "Mom! Look at that sign! The arrow is pointing up. It wants us to drive our car straight up into the sky!" I said, "We would need a flying car to do that and we don't have a flying car." "I know! We do not have a flying car! That sign is crazy."

Benjamin is a stubborn little guy. When is he upset or digging in his heels, I find myself trying to explain to him in a calm voice why he needs to put his shoes on, or go to bed, or whatever it is. I then say "Okay?" to make sure he understands. Frequently he just stares at me with furrowed brows then shouts, "No-kay!" Ah, to be two.

Tobias is in that maddening phase where he puts everything in his mouth. Last week, I kept finding him with bits of gum in his mouth. I couldn't figure out where he was getting it. Finally, I discovered that he was peeling it from the underside of a coffee table that we inherited from the previous owners of the house. I can only assume that the gum was deposited there when their now-grown five children were little. Oh yummy yum yummy.

Marc and I recently made plans for a trip away. When I bought the plane tickets and Gabriel learned that he would not be coming, he was very upset and wanted to know who would stay with him and the other boys. I answered that Grandma would come and stay with them. His face lit up and he exclaimed, "Oh! That will be fun! Grandma will not know what to do with us so she will give us lots of delicious treats!" You're showing your cards there, Gabe.

Elijah invented a fascinating new form of tag that I discovered the boys playing last week. Elijah was running around with Tobias' sippy cup and flinging droplets of milk on his brothers like some fanatical priest with holy water. If you got wet, you were out. Of course, I was not a fan of this game. "What? We're just playing milk tag!"

Tobias was being a bit of a pill a few days before his birthday. He was sitting in his highchair refusing to eat unless someone poked the cut up pieces of food in his mouth. David John turned to Tobias and said in a stern voice, "Tobias! You are almost ONE YEAR old! You can feed yourself!"

Benjamin found a box of large washable crayons and brought them to me to ask what the box said. I read it to him, "Crayola Washable Crayons". For days afterward, I kept finding a crayon or two in each load of laundry. I'm not sure how he was sneaking them into the washing machine but it was definitely deliberate. I explained to him that "washable" does not mean you can wash them in the washing machine. Unfortunately he didn't learn the lesson and I ended up drying a load of laundry with a vivid green crayon. If anyone wants a white jacket that now has green polka dots, please let me know.