When Heck Freezes

As I mentioned in my last post, we drove to Utah for Christmas. On the way there, we drove overnight with the intention that our children would sleep through the majority of the ride. This did not happen. We ended up driving for 16 hours in icy conditions with frequent white-outs due to the gusting winds. Marc drove, white-knuckled for most of the way while our children screamed and fought in the back. During only 2 out of the 16 hours was everyone sleeping and quiet. At some point, Marc made the comment that this is what hell would be like if it ever did freeze over. I wrote this commentary on December 20th during that never-ending night of driving:

Driving through Montana.
Stopped for gas in a place called Forsyth. No food. We have to drive to Billings, an additional 90 miles to find something to eat.
The boys have turned feral.
Benjamin screamed for 30 minutes straight because he wanted someone to open his package of fruit snacks. Unfortunately, no one could understand what he wanted until he had made himself so upset that he said he was going to throw up. We asked David John to pass the vomit bowl to Benjamin, but he didn't so Elijah grabbed it instead. This, of course, resulted in a fight about who got to hand said bowl to Benjamin. Elijah won which sent David John into a deep despair and he started crying. “I need a hug!” he wailed at 30 second intervals. Since we were currently hurdling down a somewhat snowy highway at 80 mph, me climbing over two rows of seats to give a hug was not an option. Enter Tobias, who chose this moment to loudly proclaim that he was very very hungry and sick and tired of being in his carseat. The triumvirate of crying increased in volume and pitch until Elijah started shrieking, “Quiet!” because the poor kid was trying to watch the Rudolph claymation classic, gosh-darn-it.
No one listened. David John had now been crying so long and hard that HE exclaimed that vomit was imminent. We called back to Benjamin to give David John the puke bowl, which sent Benjamin into a fresh wave of tears, “It's mine!” “It's David John's turn for the bowl,” I calmly explained, “if you need to throw up later he will give it back.” (Just to clarify, no one had actually thrown up yet.) David John got impatient and made a grab for the bowl. Thus commenced an epic tug-of-war and shouting match. “I am going to throw up!” “No, I am going to throw up!” each cried louder than the last while the bowl was wrenched back and forth.
Marc and I were snorting with laughter at this point. What else could we do? We asked Elijah to intervene on David John's behalf because he has a history of throwing up when upset. Elijah tried, but David John was distracted by Elijah reaching for the bowl and in that moment Benjamin regained control of the coveted bowl and held it upside down high above his head proclaiming, “I am going to throw up in this bowl!” Good luck with that kid.
The screaming continued for a while by all parties until Marc convinced David John to accept a hug from Elijah in lieu of Mommy. Some bribery with Swedish Fish didn't hurt either.

So, for the moment, peace. Maybe Santa should bring each kid his very own personalized Barf Bucket.