Starting in November, if you wanted to know where I was, rehearsal would have been a fair bet. I played Mary in the musical Scrooge and we rehearsed A LOT. Marc was starting to wonder if he might be a single parent. It was all good fun though and we had a great turn out for our performances in early December despite truly frigid temperatures. We're talking windchills in the -30s. I call that snot-freezing weather. 'Cause when you walk outside, you guessed it, your snot freezes. I mean your nose suddenly feels very rigid until you walk back inside a heated building and your schnoz becomes appropriately soft again. So strange. Anyway, in the musical I got to wear this fancy little number:
Notice that my friend Malea, who did the musical with me, is wearing a cute but modest Victorian dress while I am wearing 30 lbs (that is not an exaggeration) of red and gold brocade and ruffles. I lived in constant terror that the sheer weight of the dress would cause me to fall over at which point I would be mistaken for a settee and sat upon.
When I wasn't at rehearsal, I was reading books for book club, teaching Joy School, and continuing the grand experiment of cooking with whatever comes in my bountiful basket. I took these wonderful photos of fresh coconuts with the intention of doing an entire post about them:
I was GOING to talk about how I'd always thought of coconuts as a feminine fruit. They are subtle and sweet and shredded coconut is just so pretty. Also, there's the whole image of coconut swimwear for mermaids or castaways. And then, I was GOING to tell you how I've come to the conclusion that coconuts are actually a man's fruit. Preparing those bad boys to be eaten requires a hammer, screwdriver, oven, potato peeler and mandolin. It is serious business. Also, not once did my coconuts split into two beautiful and completely even halves. Do you see those jagged edges? If I am ever a castaway (or a mermaid), I think I will stick with swimwear made out of palm fronds thank-you-very-much. I was going to write about that, but I was too busy.
Oh yes, I was far too busy taking children to doctor's appointments to get checkups and flu shots. I was too busy laughing at David John's antics. He stared at this poster for a long time while we were waiting for the doctor:
Finally, he asked me if that is what happens to you if you are bad at the doctor's office. A part of me wanted to say "yes" to ensure his good behavior but instead I busted a gut and then tried my best to explain to him what the poster was showing. He also made me chuckle when the doctor asked him what his last name was and he confidently replied, "chubby cheeks".
Also, in late November this thing happened where Gabriel and Elijah turned 6. Wait! What? Look at these cute boys! How can they be six?
This is the ultimate birthday picture. They still have their birthday cake on their face and they are laughing really hard about the "Happy Burp Day" cards that Grandma sent. The cards burped the entire song each time you opened them. They experimented with listening in stereo and having the cards do a round. It never got old and every guest had to experience the awesomeness of the cards.
You can see, right, that with all of this going on and then having Scrooge performances plus Marc being on call in early December that I was way behind on my Holiday to do list by the time I came up for air. I threw myself into Christmas shopping and making stockings, because by-golly it was about time my family had some homemade ones, as well as crafting some homemade gifts. I also had a trip to Utah to plan and pack for, all while combating the destructive forces of five little boys. I kept intending to decorate but it never happened. The one decoration we did have out was a toy nativity set I purchased for the boys. However, our house was so un-Christmas like that Mary, baby Jesus and the donkey took off after living in our house for two days. We still don't know where they went but they didn't even take Joseph with them. The poor shepherd, angels and wisemen ended up having a very awkward little party in the stable and it's entirely my fault for lacking in Christmas spirit:
I'm pretty sure those wisemen are trying to decide if they can return their gifts since the birthday boy isn't there and hey! Are those angels gossiping? You are supposed to be above that ladies. At least the shepherd is comforting Joseph.
Benjamin also sensed my distracted state, and used this time of extreme busyness to start a bad habit of sneaking into the food storage room and chewing open containers of food like some starving rodent. I thought, for a while, that we had a very strange mouse in our house with a penchant for fruit snacks. During one such adventure, Benjamin chewed open a box of rice krispies and then decided to "let it snow" all over the computer.
Meanwhile, I was upstairs sewing stockings that I made out of 2 pairs of jeans that I am now too small for (yes!). I am not a seamstress to begin with, but add to my initial lack of talent a baby that constantly unplugs your sewing machine and tries to plug it into his mouth instead (Tobias! How many times must I tell you that your body does not provide enough electricity to run this sewing machine?) and a 4-year-old that changes the settings every time you run to the bathroom to vomit because your body has chosen this very inconvenient time to have stomach flu (What the zig zag stitch? Why is this thing on high speed?) and you get some very special results:
Why, yes, they are fully lined. Thank you for asking. And yes, some of them are patched because certain persons took a pair of sewing scissors to the fabric after it had been cut out and there wasn't enough to recut it. What was that? No, you cannot find these on Etsy. No amount of money would make it worth making them for other people when I had to let my children run feral while I was sewing them. If I ever change my mind and do make some to sell on Etsy I will make them sound fancy like this:
Each stocking is made from eco-friendly reclaimed denim. Patches, a variety of stitches, and some asymmetry lend these stockings a sense of Christmas magic and whimsy. Pretty good, huh?
Anyway, I am happy to report that we did make it to Utah for Christmas and that Lora and John, who we stayed with, had a beautiful tree and Christmas decorations. So even though I was a holiday hazard, our Christmas was still lovely. I guess I should make a New Year's resolution to do better in 2014. Then I won't have to sing Fail La La La, La La La La.
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