While You Were Sleeping...

Confession:
I took a nap last Monday.
There, I said it. I know it is a cardinal sin of mommydom to take a nap unless all of your children are also napping. I was close, I had two out of the three who were at home napping with me, but David John didn't go down. I just couldn't keep my eyes open. You all know the story, my night ended at 1 AM, my day started at 5 AM and I had done 3 hours of driving plus a marathon doctor's appointment by 12:30. So, what did David John do while the rest of us were down for the count?
He took pictures with my phone. Frankly, I was surprised that he chose such an innocuous activity. Would you like to see his work? I am accepting bids from museums or private collectors who would like the rights to the digital copies and make giant life-sized prints. He took three series of pictures. I will attempt to explain to you the sophisticated meanings behind his photography. Series one is titled "Household Objects D'Art"

Here, we see a top view of a glass coffee table. Because the wooden frame is not in the camera's view, all that is visible is the wood that crosses beneath the table and supports the legs. By shooting through the glass, he achieves an almost under-water effect with blurring at the edges. We can also see the detail of toys under the table in the top left corner. These toys represent the parts of our lives that we think are hidden when, in fact, we are transparent.

Ah, the bathroom scale. He does something very clever here by setting the scale at zero- suggesting balance, while also taking the picture at an angle so that the scale is not square in the frame. Again, he is referencing the hidden. One may seem to have a perfect and balanced life but be inwardly askew.

I like the composition of this one with the backpack in the forefront and the chair behind. I think the backpack is a commentary on the burdens one carries in everyday life and a need to let them rest.

This one is very contemporary. I love how you can see the ceiling beams and brickwork reflected in the black laptop. Clearly, this begs us to think about the way our lives are inaccurately reflected by technology.

Finally, he confronts an object head on that we usually prefer to hide and tuck into a corner: the trashcan. Note how the can fills up the majority of the frame. Do we similarly allow our lives to be dominated by the emotional garbage we accumulate but try to ignore?

The second series is entitled "The Chair". These photographs are a social commentary about the obesity epidemic. He alternates showing chairs that are soft- just like our derrieres when we spend too much time sitting in them- with chairs that are hard and have bars reminiscent of a prison cell. I also find his picture of a highchair to be a bit menacing. I'll think twice before giving Tobias dessert in that chair again.

His last series bears the name, "I Know What You Read Last Summer" and features creepy pictures of children's books.

The way this picture is cropped, combined with the blurred edges and lighting make it look like "The Rooster Crows" is about a possessed girl with suicidal intent. In fact, it is a pretty innocent book of American rhymes. There is one counting rhyme which ends "Ten he tarries, Eleven he courts, Twelve he marries, Thirteen they quarrel, Fourteen they part, Fifteen he dies of a broken heart." Really, though, that's the worst of it. I think this creepy cover would be better suited to a book of old English or German rhymes. Here is an excerpt from a German classic about a boy who is caught sucking his thumb:

The door flew open, in he ran,
The great, long, red-legg'd scissor-man.
Oh! children, see! the tailor's come
And caught out little Suck-a-Thumb.
Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out-Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast,
That both his thumbs are off at last.

More gruesome German rhymes can be found at The Haunted Closet.

Creepy book picture number two also uses a blurry style to create visual dissonance. In this case, the book really is kind of strange. It is entitled "Ten Little Ladybugs" and is strangely reminiscent of Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" which used to have the un-PC title of "Ten Little Indians". The poem in Christie's book reads, "Ten little Indian boys went out to dine; One choked his little self and then there were nine". The children's book in question reads, "Ten little ladybugs climbing on a vine, along came a butterfly, then there were nine." So maybe the butterfly doesn't seem that menacing, but on each page a different creature shows up (bird, fish, turtle, etc.) and one ladybug disappears. The first time we read this book Marc and I thought maybe this was an introduction to the food chain and survivalism. However, *spoiler* all the lady bugs get home in the end. No one actually gets eaten.

This book isn't scary at all, but somehow David John managed to make that bear on the front cover look rabid and despondent. Really, the bear is just afraid of flying on an airplane for the first time. He'll be okay.

This last picture is a doozy. I am going to have nightmares about that freaky looking space-monkey. The book itself is also nightmare inducing. The narrator of the story is a monkey (Albert II) who gives us a detailed and somewhat boring history of rocketry and space flight. He calmly talks about the death of several animals sent up in rockets including his predecessor- Albert I. Here's the spookiest part, Albert II DIES before the end of the story! Who's narrating? A ghost-space-monkey? I'm sorry, that is just too much.

As a whole, I think "I Know What You Read Last Summer" calls for an examination of children's literature and the messages it is sending.

Phew! Sorry for the epic post. That's what happens when you have to explain photographs. After all, a picture takes a thousand words of commentary.... or something like that. After all this typing I think I'm ready for another nap....

Muffins 'N Stuff

More recipes!
This week I made whole wheat banana muffins. They were a big hit at home and at Marc's clinic. By popular demand, I am posting the recipe so all can enjoy the muffiny awesomeness. The original recipe came from Food.com.
3 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tsps baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 TBS wheat germ (optional)
2/3 cups canola oil
1 cup honey
4 eggs
2 cups mashed bananas
1/2 cup hot water
Sift together the dry ingredients, beat honey, oil and eggs until blended. Add bananas and mix thoroughly. Add dry ingredients and hot water; mix well. Bake at 325 for 15 minutes or until golden brown.
A few notes about it. To make it lower fat, you can replace 1/2 the oil with applesauce. The recipe actually made about 30 regular sized muffins. I used 5 mashed bananas and added a little vanilla and cinnamon. Also, my muffins took about 25 minutes to bake, not 15. I made a few with walnuts and they were super tasty as well. :)

Another hit this week was wheat pizza crust. It wasn't whole wheat, BUT my boys rated it equal to the all white pizza crust I usually make. Marc was not as big of a fan, but what are you gonna do? I liked it just fine.
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups white flour
1 1/2 cups warm water
1 TBS yeast
1 TBS olive oil (I added an additional TBS of olive oil)
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp salt

1. In a large bowl, dissolve sugar in warm water. Sprinkle yeast over the top, and let stand for about 10 minutes, until foamy.
2. Stir the olive oil and salt into the yeast mixture, then mix in the whole wheat flour and 1 cup of the all-purpose flour until dough starts to come together. Tip dough out onto a surface floured with the remaining all-purpose flour, and knead until all of the flour has been absorbed, and the ball of dough becomes smooth, about 10 minutes. Place dough in an oiled bowl, and turn to coat the surface. Cover loosely with a towel, and let stand in a warm place until doubled in size, about 1 hour.

This recipe made 2 10-12" rounds. I baked it on my pizza stone at 475 for about 10 minutes.

Pizza crust shown here topped with pesto, chicken, and tomatoes.

Last one for this week: Cheesy Cauliflower

So, other than the fact that this recipe involves cauliflower, I can't claim that it is healthy. However, it is far and away my family's favorite way to eat cauliflower. It was introduced to us by a friend in Baltimore whose family has it for the holidays every year. It is easy and delicious. We'll be having some more this week since Marc is a huge cauliflower fan and we ended up with 12 lbs of cauliflower thanks to his enthusiasm. Most of it has now been blanched and frozen. To his credit, he did help me chop it all up for the freezing process.

Here is my friend's recipe:

Put the head of cauliflower in a microwavable dish with ¼ cup water. Cover the container with a glass lid. Heat it for approximately 9 minutes.

Mix into another bowl, ½ cup of mayonnaise, 1tsp of chopped onion flakes, and 1 tablespoon of Dijon mustard.

Put the mix on top of the cauliflower when it comes out of the microwave. Then, sprinkle the top with cheddar cheese (amount to your preference)

Put the cauliflower, mix, and cheese back in the microwave with the glass lid and cook for 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

The only alterations we make are to use yellow mustard and less of it but we are not dijon mustard fans in general. Enjoy!

The Condescension of Gabe

Marc wasn't able to come home from work until late on Friday, so I had to make the popcorn we had promised the boys they could have if they were good. Gabriel was very concerned that I would not be able to make popcorn as well as Daddy could. At first he complained about Marc not being home but I told him that I would just do my best and we would be fine.
At first, Gabe seemed ready to throw a fit, but in a surprising twist he decided to have a good attitude. He even decided to be encouraging and helpful. Unfortunately, his encouragements came off as just a tad condescending. He said: "This won't be so bad! With the help of the masters (referring to himself, Elijah and David John) I bet even you can make some popcorn as good as Daddy's."
I said, "Thanks, Gabe." It was really hard for me to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. After I had poured in the kernels and popped the first batch using the air popper, Gabe sampled it for quality control.
"You're doing a good job Mommy. It's tasting good already."
As I was putting more kernels in the air popper (our boys eat four batches of popcorn in one sitting), Gabe patted me on the shoulder.
"Mom, you are the best..... (I could tell he was about to say "popcorn maker" but then realized it wasn't true and had to come up with something else) Mommy in our family."
After all the popcorn was popped, Gabe gave me advice about putting the butter and salt on.
"You should shake the bag a little harder, Mommy."
"You should say 'That's enough salt.' Now you should say, 'A little more.'"
When it was all done, he tasted the finished product.
"Mmmmm. This is good Mom. When Daddy gets home I will tell him what a great job you did making popcorn."
I didn't trust myself to reply to that one. He is going to be a terrible back seat driver when he gets older.

Boy, Oh Boy!

David John started Joy School last week. There are six kids in our group- four darling little girls and two little boys. The other little boy has been on vacation so David John has been in the unprecedented position, for him, of being surrounded by girls. When I drop him off and see all the little girls quietly looking at books or doing puzzles it provides a sharp contrast to my wild man David John.
One of the first songs they learn in Joy School is called "Oh Boy! I've Got Joy". This got me thinking about the joy of being boys and my guys are definitely all boy. It's unfortunate that so many of the things that make them truly happy are frowned upon. As I've said to other people, in many ways I am having a unique parenting experience. I often feel "other" when I'm out with my boys and see everyone else's families. For example, over the summer our library had several activities for kids including crafts on Monday afternoons. We went to a couple of them. As you can imagine, trying to help four little people with crafts and keep a baby happy is challenging. The first time we went, the crafts involved paints. Each child could paint a caterpillar made out of an egg carton and pipe cleaner and he could also make a cool tire tracks print using paint and a toy car on paper.
Like all of the other moms, I gathered up the supplies for my crew and made a couple of paint palettes by putting daubs of all the various colors of paint on paper plates. I got everyone set up at a table with two boys sharing each paint palette. I then held Tobias on my hip and surveyed the room. Everywhere I looked there were families sitting at the tables and children painting their caterpillars in vivid colors. A library employee was walking around and photographing the fun. It was then that I looked down and saw, not caterpillars in vivid colors but rather earthworm-like-creatures which must have tunneled through some sort of toxic sludge because they were a mottled greenish-brownish-gray. Gone were the paint palettes and their vibrant hues. They had been replaced by what appeared to be mud pies.
So far the score was Boys- 1 Artistic Sensibilities- 0
We had a talk about how the colors might be prettier if we didn't mix them all up. The boys all agreed they'd like a fresh set of colors to do their car tracks painting with. So, I got new paints, a piece of paper and a car for each of them. I showed them how to drive their car through the paint and then make tracks on the paper. I can't remember exactly what happened next, I think someone sneezed and I wiped a nose, but the point is that I had to go throw something in the trash can. I came back to find that, once again, the colors had been turned into something resembling primordial ooze.
The photographer approached our table and asked in a chipper voice, "How are we doing?" I smiled at her but she was looking at my boys and the smile slid off her face while she lowered her camera. There was a demolition derby happening at our table. These cars weren't just driving through the paint, they were off-roading. They were crashing. They were flipping end over end. They were participating in high-speed chases. They were performing feats of automotive masculinity that would make the creators of "The Fast and the Furious" jealous. There were, of course, sound effects for all of this action. The cars were drenched as were the papers. Needless to say, no pictures of my boys or their art projects appeared in the library newsletter. Boys - 2 Artistic Sensibilities - 0
The crafts were done, but the fun wasn't over. I still needed to clean up. While I was busy doing that, my boys engaged in other awesome boy activities like splashing water all over the floor when they washed their hands and trying to tag each other with dripping fingers. They climbed towers of stacked chairs, closely inspected a projector and a large pull-down screen in the room. They played with a microphone and ran around the room screaming. They climbed under tables and chairs. It looked like fun. I felt bad that I kept having to say "no" and "don't" or "we aren't allowed to do that here".
I know we need rules and there are plenty in our house, but I hope you'll understand if, when you see my boys at a playground, I am letting them scale the outside of the play equipment or climb up the slide or pour sand through the holes. When there are a lot of other kids there, I try to rein them in so they aren't bad examples but gosh darn-it sometimes I just want my boys to be able to be boys without consequence. I love these crazy kids. They are exasperating, they are high-energy, they are creative, they are naughty, they are brilliant and funny. They are boys! I think I need to adapt the Joy School theme song to my life so that, when I am having a moment where I feel isolated from other families and their well-behaved children I can sing to myself, "Oh joy! I've got boys!"

Recipes of the Week

So, I am doing a 6 week fitness challenge with some ladies in my ward. It has been really good for me to make exercise and healthy eating a priority, not to mention scripture study. Anyway, thanks to the fitness challenge and our generous neighbors with gardens and the awesomeness of Bountiful Baskets we are experimenting with a lot of new healthier recipes. Here are three that I fell in love with this week plus one old one that I wanted to pass along:
Balsamic Greenbeans
(I have made this twice, once with mushrooms and once without because I ran out. It was delicious both ways and I am betting you could roast a variety of different vegetables this way.)
This one is from Kalyn'sKitchen. Because of her copyright, I cant post the entire recipe here, but you can follow the link. Basically, you just shake your veggies in a bag with some balsamic vinegar and a little olive oil then bake for 20 minutes and sprinkle it with a little parmesan afterwards. So easy and so delicious!

Whole Wheat Pancakes that actually taste good from FifteenSpatulas.

• 1 cup milk
• 1 tbsp vinegar* (white wine or apple cider)
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 egg
• 2 tbsp melted butter
• butter for greasing the griddle

I used the apple cider vingear and doubled the recipe. I topped mine with fresh fruit only. So good!

Fresh Salsa from Alton Brown
This is a basic salsa recipe, but I've found it to be the most consistently delicious and versatile. I've switched up what peppers go into it and I use half a bunch of cilantro, two green onions and am generous with the chili powder. I also forgo the olive oil- no need for the extra fat. Tasty every time.
6 Roma tomatoes, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 seeded and minced jalapenos, plus 2 roasted, skinned and chopped jalapenos
1 red bell pepper, fine dice
1/2 red onion, fine chopped
2 dry ancho chiles, seeded, cut into short strips and snipped into pieces
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 lime, juiced
Chili powder, salt, and pepper, to taste
Fresh scallions, cilantro or parsley, to taste

This is not one I discovered this week, but it's a great easy dinner option.
Asian Stir-Fry from Bill Phillip's Eating for Life
I've made this a lot and it's great with any vegetables you have laying around. I've made it with beef, pork, chicken or vegetarian. It's just yummy.
8 oz spaghetti prepared according to package directions
1 lb lean meat cut into bite-sized pieces (you can also replace with cashews or just add more veggies)
1/8 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, sliced
4 celery stalks, sliced
1 head napa cabbage, shredded
1/2 cup lite soy sauce
cooking spray

Lightly coat skillet with cooking spray and heat to medium-high. Stir-fry red pepper flakes and garlic for one minute, then add meat. Stir fry meat until cooked through, or until middle is light pink if you are using steak then remove meat from pan and set aside.
Recoat skillet and add onion and celery, stir fry for 5 minutes then add cabbage and cook an additional 2 minutes.
Return meat to the skillet, add cooked spaghetti and soy sauce, mix until heated through.

An Eviction Notice

Dear Mr. Cricket,

I noticed that you mistakenly moved into in our house. I am assuming it is a mistake, otherwise I would press charges for trespassing. I am writing this letter, because when I tried to speak to you directly, you turned your back on me and hopped away, taking up residence in my heating vent. I hate to tell you this, but you really cannot live there. Please have all of your possessions off the premises by midnight tonight or I will have to put your tiny insect suitcases out on the lawn and nobody wants that.
Lest you think me unreasonable, let me tell you why this arrangement just isn't going to work.
1. The room you have moved into happens to already be occupied by me and my husband. As a general rule, we don't allow anyone else to sleep in our room and certainly not while we are sleeping in it. Guests usually sleep in the guest room, but as you were uninvited you can't stay in there either.
2. The heating vent you've selected has a maximum occupancy of zero. I'd be going against fire code regulations if I allowed you to stay.
3. You chirp. A lot. All the time. All night long. That is serious noise pollution. You are lucky we didn't call the police for disturbing the peace. Our peace was certainly disturbed all night and then most of the day since our house was full of sleep-deprived individuals.
4. Our house is not a good neighborhood for a single young adult. I've done my research and I know why you play music. You are looking for a girlfriend. You're like those teenagers with a garage band hoping for a gaggle of swooning female groupies. Believe you me, there are no lady crickets anywhere in our house. However, I have heard that there may be some outside. Like, in the furthest recesses of our backyard or maybe even the park behind our house.
5. Your rental application has a few issues. Firstly, we never received your application. Secondly, none of your references have reliable phone numbers or addresses. Thirdly, you are unemployed. Until you get a job, please move back into your parents' basement.
I hope you understand that this is not personal and that we would be more than happy to assist you in the relocation process.
Sincerely,
Me

*Update*
After receiving this message, the cricket in question tried to relocate to the twin's room. We let him know that this was also unacceptable. He suggested a business arrangement in which he could live in the boys' room in exchange for him acting as their conscience. He claimed to have been trained by Jiminy Cricket of Pinnochio fame. I confess, I was tempted by this offer since I sometimes doubt the efficacy of the conscience which currently guides my boys' choices. In the end, however, the veracity of his statement was called into question since Jiminy Cricket starred in Pinnochio in 1940 and crickets are known to have a maximum lifespan of only three months. In the end, we assisted him and his suitcases outside via clear plastic cup and card-stock transport.

Not Too Badlands

About 45 minutes to the west of us is an incredible place called the Badlands. When we first told the boys we were going to take them there, they asked, "Why is it called the Badlands?"
Marc patiently explained that it was called that because parents could take very naughty children and drop them off there when the children were being particularly bad.
The boys received this information in stunned silence.
I kind of wish we would have left it at that. Maybe they would have been better behaved at the visitors center if they thought they were in danger of being left behind. Instead, while I was in the restroom, they ran around in the gift shop and were chased out by a park ranger.
Of course, the area is really called the Badlands for both historic and geologic reasons which can be read about here if you are interested.
I, however, am more interested in showing you some of the pictures from our picnic and hike adventure in painted canyon. My brave mother accompanied us while Marc was working hard at the office and frequently running to the hospital to attend baby deliveries. Everyone had a wonderful (and tiring) day.

This is the iconic view of painted canyon. Looking out over the valley is breathtaking every time.

To me, it looks like God took an ice cream scoop to the great plains, gouging out huge areas and revealing beautiful swirls and striations. I think if the badlands were an ice cream flavor, it would be rocky road... or maybe neapolitan.

I can't get over the intensely blue skies here after living under the gray skies of Cleveland for so long. Benjamin was a little trooper during the long hike, although he wanted to jump off of anything and everything he could find to climb on.

The rock formations are unique and varied. In some places it looked as though a torrent of water suddenly solidified.

Upon closer inspection, it might look like elephant skin, or shattered pottery fragments...

...or bark.

The boys went "mountain climbing" at every opportunity.

Elijah and Gabriel literally felt as though they were on top of the world.

The air was filled with the thrumming and chirps of locusts. Hearing them was no problem, seeing them was a little trickier. My boys struggled to see this guy even when I was pointing right at him.

I loved this set of stone tables. It made me want to believe in fairy creatures that would come out at dusk and feast.

Even the flatter areas were just beautiful with the abundance of wild grasses.

This was one of the trickier "mountains" to climb.

David John was pretty proud of himself for making it to the top.

We did have a couple of mildly scary moments when boys would strand themselves pretty high up, but we always got them down.

Gabriel did end up with some rock rash on him stomach when he slid down a ways. By the end of the hike, we had very tired boys - some of whom even claimed they were just going to have to sit down and die rather than hike out of the canyon and back to the car. Happily, there were no casualties. The Badlands weren't so bad after all.