Bad Boys

Do you know what having 5 kids teaches you? That there is a heck of a lot more "nature" than "nurture" that goes into the equations when it comes to child personality and behavior. I mean, our five children have had almost identical resources and parenting styles as they have grown up but they are completely different. Some are very very good in school, and some leave something to be desired in the school behavior department. For the most part, our twins have been academic angels. Sure, Elijah tried to see how many pencils he could secretly bring to the rug in first grade by hiding them up his sleeves and in his waist band, but that was no big deal, not really. Gabriel had a few problems with being humble- still does sometimes- but again, no biggie. Tobias is reportedly the most well-behaved kindergarten student of all time (except during that one morning recess in which he reportedly punched a 5th grader in response to the insult of being called "twinkle toes" and made said student cry). However, our middle two just seem to have a harder time keeping it together from 8 am to 3 pm. As I have been teaching at their school this year, I have been able to witness some of this misbehavior first hand or at least hear about it soon after the fact. David John in particular has given everyone a run for their money this year. Here are the top David John school stories so far. Fingers crossed that we don't have any more excitement.

1. David John decided that instead of writing a personal narrative during writing time, he would instead write a treatise to the school about why he shouldn't have to write the personal narrative in the first place. This letter included a thorough examination of how schools should differentiate instruction for their students because for some students the work is too hard, for some students the work is too easy and boring and for some students it is just right. He suggested that the school give students work appropriate to their level of ability and made a point that he already knows how to write an effective personal narrative and shouldn't have to write another one just because that is the lesson of the day. He requested that his treatise be given to the principal. Truthfully, I felt a little pride in his use of writing to try and solve a social problem. A little civil disobedience never hurt anyone, right? And where on earth did he get that sass from?

2. During a lesson on California Condors and endangered species, David John was first to finish reading the article. Instead of sitting quietly and letting his classmates finish their work, he immediately started exclaiming that Californians are endangered and disappearing! Yes! The people of California are dwindling! The class immediately jumped on board his crazy train and went along for the ride. Despite the teacher trying to redirect the conversation back to Condors, David John's story was much more exciting so the students kept asking questions about the disappearing Californians. David John's teacher is a saint. I mean that literally. Any teacher who survives his antics for a year is sainted by the Catholic church because being his teacher without losing your mind is nothing short of a miracle.

3. David John recently was asked to make some presidential silhouettes for President's Day. He decided to place them nose to nose on his paper so that it looked like they might be kissing. He, of course, thought this was hysterical and showed off his creation to all of his friends. When the teacher asked him to redo the project because of the inappropriate nature of his picture, he cut out new silhouettes and placed them an appropriate distance apart. This time, unfortunately, George had a runny nose and Lincoln was vomiting. Lovely. The teacher was not amused. I talked to David John about the respect we should have for the office of president and for the people who served our country in the past. We discussed why his various choices for his silhouettes might make people upset or uncomfortable. He seemed genuinely surprised that people might have big feelings about what he did. To my knowledge, he did the project one more time, correctly. I have never been so glad to put President's Day behind us, except for that time in Kindergarten when he wrote Abraham Lincoln Goes Crazy.

4. At the beginning of the year, when the weather was not a danger to your health, the boys would sometimes stay after school and play at the playground or in my classroom while I prepared things for the next day. One of those days, I was busy in my classroom when I heard what sounded like footsteps overhead. "Hmm, must be a maintenance worker", I thought. Soon after, however, there came a banging at my window followed by wild gesticulating of one of my other children. I rushed outside to be told that David John had used a picnic table, a bike, and a maintenance access ladder to hoist himself onto the roof. Sure enough, he was dancing atop the school roof like a crazy person. What ensued was a very loud, shouted negotiation to get him to climb down which involved me threatening to call the police. When I got my phone out and started dialing, he finally gave in and came down. At that moment, the very kind head custodian of the school rounded the corner and talked to David John about how dangerous his choices were. He then asked, "Do you know anything about ketchup in the boys bathroom?" My eyebrows went up. This seemed to be an odd question to ask. "Yes," David John replied, "I did that." "That" turned out to be carefully placing ketchup packets beneath the toilet seat in the boys bathroom and then jumping on said toilet seat in order to make the ketchup packets explode. When asked why he would do that, he just explained that he "wanted to see what happened". It was a great experiment in physics, and no one got hurt. After he saw the mess, he had started a couple of rumors blaming various brothers for the crime. This turned out to be a mistake as that tipped off school staff that some Ricks child was probably involved. The next morning, David John could be found scrubbing the walls of the gym before school in addition to whatever else the custodian asked him to clean. Many people commented that they saw my son "helping out". "How kind!", they exclaimed. If only they knew. I smiled, but inside this little jingle kept running through my head:
Up on the rooftop, David John's shoes
Brothers wave and scream the news
Down once again, although he protested
Only coming so he wouldn't be arrested
Oh no no! Why did he go?
Oh no no! Why did he go?
Where is his mother? Tsk tsk tsk!
Inside the school sitting at her desk!

Between my children and my students there is never a dull moment, at least for me. There are some dull moments during the school day for David John despite the best efforts of his teachers. These are the times in which he might tear out the subscription cards from the Highlights Magazine in his class and fill it out with potty-related names and addresses or give himself a "whirly" aka swirly. If only my parental embarrassment at being the mother of sometimes "bad boys" could be flushed away so easily. In those moments, I try to remember that what looks like impulsivity and naughtiness can be reframed as creativity and gumption. Maybe my "bad boys" are of the "so bad, it's good" variety. Here's hoping.