Stoned

You know how, when you're a mom or just a really busy person and you keep having nagging excruciating pain you just pretty much ignore it? Yeah, you shouldn't do that. It's a bad idea. That will land you in the hospital with a kidney that's not working very well because there is a giant rock lodged in there that your body felt the need to produce for some unknown reason. It also doesn't help if your kidney is a little special and has an almost non-existent opening which makes your surgeon and the surgical robot cry during the procedure and then go out and have a beer together afterward.
It turns out that pain is your body telling you that you are eating too many healthy foods. You know what causes kidney stones? Spinach. Popeye lied to us people, it doesn't make your muscles as hard as a rock, it just makes actual rocks. Also, kale. Kale, the superfood. I feel very betrayed. Other culprits are whole-grain wheat, nuts and strawberries. You heard me, strawberries. I had a Strawberry Shortcake big-wheel when I was four and this is the way you repay me? I always knew you looked too cute and innocent to be real. Faker! So, that's it. The problem was I was eating far too healthy. Too many fruits and vegetables and whole-grains. Of course, you know what else can make those pesky rocks? Peanutbutter. And chocolate. It's entirely possible that Reeses Peanutbutter Cups are my favorite candy. It's also entirely possible that peanutbutter is my go-to comfort food. Furthermore, I may have a habit of eating peantbutter and nutella on graham crackers for breakfast. There may or may not be a layer of peanutbutter an inch thick on those crackers. But I'm sure that had nothing to do with it. Curse you spinach!