David John 5.0

I am so far behind on blogging. So very, very, far. I promise that I think 1,000 funny thoughts a day and I am just dying to tell you about them but by the time evening hits my brain has turned into a giant pile of mush. Usually I can't articulate a single coherent thought. That is why I keep random memos of funny things in my phone so that when I am having a good-brain evening I can write about the funnies of days past. As I pondered what to write today, I realized that the number of awesome David John quotes in my phone has reached critical mass. If I don't publish these quotes and then delete them I am pretty sure my phone will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8, 7.... Shoot! I better stop rambling and just get to the good stuff. One more note, David John also turned 5 like a week and a half ago so I am interspersing his sayings with random birthday pictures.

David John loves to play pirates, here are some of my favorite pirate quotes:
At the playground talking to random kids from atop the play-structure: "Argh, I'm a pirate! I know I look like a people, but it's just dress-up."
In full pirate-gear stomping around the house: "I'm Champenbargerfok and I'm going to plunder up some treasure!" I think we may have a future fantasy-writer on our hands. Who comes up with names like that?
Coming upstairs in the morning in pirate persona: "What's for my scurvy breakfast?!?"

I brought this "mud pie" for a singing time activity on a fast Sunday. I made it out of dirt since everyone would be fasting. David John didn't believe me. He thought it was chocolate. After spitting out the giant bite he took he exclaimed, "mud pie tastes like dirt!"

Marc is getting a new car. That means we have been to the dealership several times with children in tow. The dealership, thankfully, has a great play area, friendly staff, popcorn, peanuts and soda. Marc let the boys have a snack and some sprite so that if they spilled it wouldn't stain. David John asked for rootbeer, which happened to be the caffeinated variety Barqs. Marc replied, "Sorry David John, the last thing I would give you is rootbeer." David John took it surprisingly well. As we were leaving the dealership, however, David John piped up, "Dad, what about my rootbeer? You said the last thing you would give me is rootbeer and now this is the last thing."

David John has a love affair with giant marshmallows. One day, he was explaining the difficulties of me having a bag of giant marshmallows in the cupboard. "I know the smarshallows are there and the smarshmallows contract me to steal them and eat them. The contraction might last forever!"

David John couldn't find the magnets, so he just drew a picture with a permanent marker and hung it on his wall for decoration. It totally looks like that little guy is swearing up a storm comicstrip-style. I asked David John what the guy was saying. He replied, "I haven't decided yet."

Benjamin is not the best at apologizing so Marc was modeling an apology for Benjamin, using David John as his role play partner. David John got confused, however, and asked Marc, "Wait, why are you apologizing? What did you to do me?"

David John loves to explain compound  nouns to people. I thought, at first, that explaining them just made him feel smart but I came to realize that dissecting the compound nouns was actually a revelation to him. I think it was the day he exclaimed at the table, "Wait! You mean peanutbutter is made from peanuts?!?!" Anyway, he often excitedly tells me things like, "Mom! I know why this is called a lunchbox! It's a box and you put your lunch in it!" Often, the explanations are obvious, but sometimes he gets it slightly wrong. "It is called a hotdog because it is hot and it looks like a dog's tail." Marc: "Actually, I think it's because it looks like a wiener dog." David John: "No, Dad. It's a dog's tail."

David John was super-excited about these home-made robot invitations for his party. He could invite eight guests but he was worried about the guest list. "Mom, I am worried if I invite her there will be too many girls." "Hmm," I said, "if you invite her there will be three girls and nine boys if you count your brothers. I think it will be okay."

David John filled out a Father's Day Questionnaire in his primary class. His teacher told us it was her favorite. Here are the highlights.
My Dad is: 64 years old
He likes to wear: church clothes
He loves to eat: a kind of soup
He is smart because he knows: that in Star Wars Obi changed the evil clone-trooper's mind and he likes to choose the right.
It makes my Dad happy when: I love him all up.

On our epic road-trip this summer, David John sat in the middle of the first passenger row because he is the most likely to throw-up and it helps that he can see out the front windshield. It also means that he is best able to hear anything that Marc or I would say. So, he took it upon himself to repeat every comment we made to the rest of the boys in the van. This was often helpful, as the other boys didn't always hear our answers to their questions or important information like: if everyone stops hitting each other we will start a movie in exactly 5 minutes. Every time David John repeated us verbatim, he has a great short-term verbal memory, Marc and I would giggle because he reminded us so much of the Sigourney Weaver character in Galaxy Quest. This was especially true when he would repeat at loud volume completely non-necessary information. "Mom says she will need to use the bathroom soon!"

Easiest donut-robot cake ever. Thank you, Donut Hole. I wish you could see better in the picture, but his eyes are glowing battery-operated tea-lights. David John loves to pretend to be a robot. He often talks in robot monotone. I just wish he wouldn't do it in prayers, or into the microphone at church...

David John has a gift or malapropisms. Here are some from our family vacation:
when jumping into the pool: "Canyon ball!"
after being warned about copper-head snakes while we were playing in the creek: "Mom, I am putting sticks in the water so they will float down and kill the baby bomper-head."
after being told we weren't sure how to do something: "Read the constructions!"
after Tobias chewed on David John's toy: "He put his mouth-water all over it! It is called mouth-water because it is water and it is in your mouth."
asking for a snack in the car: "Can I have a canola bar?"
referencing a hot-tub: "I want to play in the swirl-pool."

Before vacation, Marc had taken the boys to see "How to Train Your Dragon 2" in the theaters, so David John was super excited to see the komodo dragon at the Denver Zoo. He was staring, transfixed at the viscious reptile when he asked, "Mom, is it really hard to train that kind of dragon?" I replied that I'm sure it was near-impossible to train that kind of dragon. Later he told his brothers about the experience (they were on a different side trip) and told them all about the komodo dragon, adding, "It was even the hardest kind of dragon to train."

Our first activity at the party was decorating robot boxes. Elijah is modeling his in the front and Benjamin is in the background. When David John was wearing his, he insisted on being called "Robot Rally". He also amazed us all with the his robot's ability to transform into other things, namely, a box. In "box mode" he would sit on the floor, pull his arms in and press his face to the arm-hole. 

More random David-Johnisms:
"I go to Jewnastics class!"
"We are making a scary hunted house."
"Boom-ya!"
"Can you paper-clip my nails Dad?"

David John has a vivid imagination and often makes up elaborate stories. For example, there is an apple-sauce monster which lives in the park behind our house. David John sometimes puts food out for the monster and at one point made a sign warning others about the monster's existence. In June, he had an ongoing saga about purple bananas left in random places which would then hatch purple minions that could eat anything and anyone in their path. One day, he came inside to tell me that there were purple bananas in the backyard. He then gasped, and said, "Oh no! I left Benjamin in the backyard! I need to go warn him!" He then ran back outside. Meanwhile, Benjamin had come in a different door and disappeared into the basement. David John then came back inside and told me in a very matter-of-fact voice. "Well, mm, I was too late. It ate Benjamin."

Dang, I love those chubby cheeks! David John was a little overwhelmed by the party but I still think he had a good time. We played games including robot-arm relay, nuts and bolts scramble, and robot dance. There was also a "piata" filled with candy and tiny robot toys.

David John asked if he could have the cap to the now-empty milk jug after breakfast one morning. I said he could, as long as he washed it off well and then put it away somewhere. "Oh, thanks Mom. I want it for my bottle-cap collection. I will put it in my object drawer. Well, it might be an object. I'm not sure. Until I find out, I will just keep it in the object drawer." Later I asked him what his definition of an object was, and it seemed more like the definition of objet d'arte or something that had the potential to become art. However, after looking at the contents of his "object drawer" and finding a hideous plastic spider I am more confused than ever.

The local rec center recently built and opened an outdoor pool so we've been hitting the water in the blistering 80 degree North Dakota heat. The pool features a lazy river and slides and there are single and double inner-tubes available for patrons to use. David John approached me and asked if he could have an inner-tube for the lazy river specifying, "I want one for one character." He also told Marc that evening, "I was even in level 4," meaning the part of the pool 4 feet deep. Methinks he has played a few too many ipad games this summer....

We love this kid so much! I can't wait to see how he channels his endless creativity as he gets older. You've got the world on a string, kid.

Phew! Are you as exhausted as I am? Parenting this boy is a joy and a trial. Like the classic poem, when he is good is very very good and oh-so-cute but when he is bad he is horrid. As my grandfather said, "That one's a little different." Yep, he's an out-side the box kind of guy, at least when he's not being a robot, and we wouldn't have him any other way. Happy 5th Birthday David John!