Making a Joyful Noise

I briefly mentioned in my post about David John, that he loves to sing the Joy School songs. What I failed to mention is that most of the song recordings are, well, bad. Just bad. I feel guilty even writing that down, because I love the Joy School curriculum and I think the Eyres are amazing but wow, the songs are special. One of the songs in Earth unit has the following lyrics:
"Let's take care of the Earth 'cause it's ours;
And it's so much better than Mars!"
That last line is sung with an ascending run and then a sustained high note. It's very dramatic. I almost choked on the water I was drinking the first time I heard it. Really? That's the best we can come up with? It's better than Mars? That's not hard. We could drop a few atomic bombs on the Earth and it would STILL be better than Mars for sustaining human life.
The most ridiculous song on the CD, though, is the one that all the boys love about what animals give us. My first issue with this song is that it just sounds rude. It goes:
"Oh cow! Oh cow! What use are you?"
If I were a cow and someone sang that to me, I would roll my eyes and stop producing milk on the spot. What USE am I? Really? Oh, I don't know. I only supply the basis for one of five major food groups. You know, provide calcium that you need for your puny skeletons. Ingrates!
Anyway, then the cow sings back in a deep BASS voice. What?!?! Cows, by definition cannot be male. If you try to milk a male bovine, I guarantee you will not get milk. You will probably get a hoof to the face. So, who's singing? My best guess is that it is a bull masquerading as a cow. That's right kids, you are being sung to be a cross-dressing ungulate! Anyway, this confused individual sings:
"I give you milk, that's what I do." and then he/she bellows out a painful sounding moo.
The song continues, asking various animals "What use are you?" and the animals give their answers complete with terrible sound effects. We learn that a hen gives us eggs, a bee gives us honey and a sheep gives us wool. This is all fine. Then, we get to the pig.
"Oh pig! Oh pig! What use are you?"
"I give you bacon, that's what I do!"
When my boys heard this, they were incredulous. "What? Mom! That doesn't make any sense! If the pig gives us bacon he would be dead! He can't just 'give' us bacon!"
Good point, boys. You are right. If the song is trying to teach kids the facts of life, then maybe the pig should sing, "I am slaughtered for bacon! That's what I do!" There are probably Joy School children across the country imagining happy pigs frolicking about and dispensing bacon to the masses without any deleterious side-effects. If they wanted the pigs to be useful in a non-lethal way, they could have always gone with: "I dig for truffles, that's what I do." As it stands, we now have a pig singing from beyond the grave. This song just keeps getting more and more strange.
Moving on. The horse tells us that he gives us rides (Why are ALL of the animals in this song male? Also, note that the horse does NOT say, "I give you glue.") and then the songs asks:
"Oh dog! Oh dog! What use are you?"
The voice that answers is so deep and garbled and weird that what he says is pretty much unintelligible. I *think* he says, "I give you love, that's what I do." but I will never be 100% sure that he isn't saying "I bite your leg, that's what I do." To be honest, he sounds so creepy that I would probably prefer for him to bite my leg than give me love. The bite would heal, but his love might scar me forever.