I'm not sure what I imagined a pineapple plant would look like, but it wasn't this:
It might have been worth going to Dole just to see pineapple plants up close. They are crazy looking! We were intrigued by the small pineapple garden, so we bought tickets to ride the "Pineapple Express" train which supposedly would give us a tour of the plantation. Also, if you buy a train ticket, you can save $5 on the official "Pineapple Express" CD. This is a deal you won't want to miss, if you are a big fan of elevator pop music with painful lyrics. You too could own the title song that croons, "Don't move fast, better relax... feel the locomotive on the smooth train tracks. Get on board the Pineapple Express!" I am almost regretful that we did not buy the CD because apparently you cannot buy it online and I can't link you to any song samples, but you can buy other CDs from the group ManoaDNA on their website.
Anyway, the best part of the train ride was the walk through the beautiful gardens to get to the train station. Here are some of my favorite foliage pics:
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| This tree is not painted, that is the bark's natural coloration. |
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| The state flower of Hawaii. I love that it is yellow. |
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| I finally understand why these are called "bird of paradise". |
You can buy a separate ticket for a self-guided audio tour of the gardens but I wouldn't recommend it. You see, the Dole Plantation is also the home of the world's largest maze and I am almost certain that the same engineer which designed the maze also designed the garden and audio tour. I watched several people with their headsets looking around in bewilderment. Not only were there confusing switchbacks, sidewalks that literally went nowhere, parts of the garden which were not connected to the rest at all but could only be reached by walking across a large grassy area which one felt ought not to be walked on but there was a complete lack of arrows or other helpful signage. There were placards with little numbers on them indicating which track of the audio tour coincided with this part of the garden. However, these numbers were not in any particular order and some numbers seemed to be missing altogether. Walking through that garden was a little bit like walking through a print by M.C. Escher. Nothing was quite as it seemed. I almost missed the train because I had been sucked into the vortex of the garden. I finally ended up leaving the paths and cutting through some garden beds. I'm still not convinced that there was a path which actually led to the train station.
To be fair, we learned many interesting things on the train tour even if the view was underwhelming. We learned that pineapple is not even native to Hawaii. Shocking, right? Pineapple actually comes from South America but at one point the Dole corporation was providing 90% of the world's pineapple which is why Hawaii and pineapple are so closely tied together in our minds. The process of growing and harvesting pineapple is also fascinating. Each plant only produces one fruit at a time and can take up to 3 years to produce a mature pineapple fruit. All the pineapple plants have to be planted and harvested by hand. The poor pineapple farmers have to wear head to toe heavy protective suits so they don't get cut by the sharp leaves. Just the thought of wearing a heavy canvas suit during a Hawaiian summer makes me want to pass out. Whenever the tour had us really interested the narrator would inevitably choose that moment to say something dumb like "Phew! That was a lot of information! Let's take a break and listen to some music." This gave us the opportunity to look at the endless fields of pineapple and large wooden cutouts of agricultural workers doing various tasks. All of the workers looked extremely happy in their sweltering uniforms. They seemed to be saying "There is nothing I would rather be doing than hauling this 70 lb sack of pineapples for the Dole company!" The history they gave was certainly biased. For example, the tour mentioned that early plantation workers were imported from China and the Philippines. Workers lived in "cultural camps" where they could fully celebrate their cultural heritage. This was a nice way of saying that the company practiced indentured servitude and forced their workers to live in tightly packed ghettos. But the workers loved it! I'm sure! Of course, you can find all of this information online for free which is much cheaper than flying to Oahu and riding the train.
After the "Pineapple Express" we had some frozen pineapple treats and gasped in horror at the cost of everything in the gift shop. I was tempted to buy these because I just couldn't believe that such a thing existed but I resisted on the principle that I am cheap:
I mean, is there anyone who would readily admit to liking SPAM? A food generally held as so vile that unwanted email is now named after it? Clearly, at least one SPAM-lover is on the marketing board for Hamakua Plantations because those really are SPAM-flavored macadamia nuts. Just why? Macadamia nuts are so good and SPAM is so.... SPAM. And why are they ten dollars?
We bid goodbye to Oahu that afternoon and flew to Maui. The drive from the airport to Kanaapali beach was just gorgeous. Those are sugarcane fields.
The Westin resort was also beautiful. This was our lobby:
There was a waterfall. And flamingos. And black swans. In the lobby. I love Hawaii.
We watched the sunset on the beach and found a beach-side restaurant to eat dinner at. We were asked by various people during our stay if we were honeymooners. All of them were shocked to hear that we had five children and would be celebrating our 12th anniversary later that month. We certainly felt like honeymooners. I guess Maui just does that to people.
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