Did I mention that Tobias turned 6 last month? He did. Six! He is in kindergarten this year and loves it. I thought I would share a couple of things about Tobias this year and a couple of stories from last year that have resurfaced.
Tobias has always loved being a caretaker. At his daycare, he loved to take care of the younger kids. Sometimes, he was a little overbearing, carrying them around or hugging them dozens of times each day. Most of them took it in good stride, but some of them were always a little wary of him. This year, not much has changed. His teacher asked him to be in charge of making a sure a new student felt comfortable at school and knew what to do. She started last week. The teacher walked down the hallway, checking on all of the kindergartners as they put away their snow gear and got ready to come into the classroom. There was Tobias, carefully unzipping the new girl's coat for her, taking off her gloves, putting away her hat, etc. while she just stood there like a shell shocked scarecrow. As the teacher got closer to let Tobias know that this girl could probably do most things for herself, she overheard him saying, "...and I'm really good at giving hugs. I like to give lots of hugs..." We may need to have some more lessons on consent, and just generally how to woo ladies with modern sensibilities.
Speaking of wooing ladies, last year Tobias had a fiancee. They were engaged for most the year until one day, in the Spring, Tobias came home and announced, "Well. It's over." "What's over?" "We're not getting married anymore." "Oh, why? What happened?" "*sigh* She dumped me for some new guy." Poor guy. After that the relationship was on again, off again. Ahh, the drama of young love.
Recently, Tobias' kindergarten class did a unit on dinosaurs. Tobias loved it. He read all of our dinosaur books, played with the toy dinosaurs in the basement and even asked for another stuffed dinosaur for his birthday so he could have a complete stuffed T-rex family. One of his favorite dinosaur books is called, "We Don't Eat Our Classmates" about Penelope Rex. She tends to eat her classmates. Anyway, one evening I read him the book and then tucked him in. He suddenly said, "Mom, people should not kill dinosaurs. Unless they are very poor and don't have enough food. Then it's okay. Goodnight!"
I giggled to myself. I had no idea he had such clear ideas about the ethics of killing prehistoric animals. Good to know in case the whole Jurassic Park saga ever plays out. Do you think survival is also an ethical reason to kill dinosaurs? I'll have to ask.
Last year, Benjamin and Tobias enrolled in a music class called "Let's Play Music". The class is pretty awesome and the boys love it. They are taking it again this year. Anyway, last year, the class was at my dear friend's house which meant that I often took a little time in getting out the door so I could quickly catch up with my friend, give her a hug, you know, friend stuff. Typically this wasn't a problem, but every once in a while, the boys would sneak out the door while I was chatting and then I had a heck of a time corralling them and getting them in the van. One particular day, Tobias announced that he did not want to get in the van and that he was walking home. My friend's house is more than a mile away from home and one would have to cross some very busy streets. Not to mention that we had never walked to music class before so he would have no idea of which direction to go. However, being an experienced mom, I did not argue with him. Instead, I just said, "sure" and decided to discreetly follow him with the van so I could be there to rescue him when he got tired and scared. Unfortunately, he did not get tired or scared. He never even looked back. After about 10 minutes, I couldn't take it anymore. I did not have 40 minutes to waste creeping along after this child, so I stopped the van and got out to confront him and let him know he really just needed to ride home. He ran.
Frankly, I am shocked that I did not end up on some true crime show with the following voice-over for re-enacted footage:
"Picture this- you see a small, 5-year-old boy walking confidently down the sidewalk. Soon, you see a van creeping along behind him at distance, stopping every once in a while, then moving again. The driver seems to be a crazed woman with no make-up on. Suddenly, she stops the van again, but this time she jumps out and yells something at the little boy. He takes off running. She chases him, tackles him to the ground, drags him to the van kicking and screaming, and forces him inside. She shuts the door, then returns to the driver's seat and starts driving again. She only gets a few feet when the little boy miraculously forces the door open, jumps out, and starts running again. He is screaming, "I am walking home! You can't make me ride with you!". It looks like the woman drives away, but no she stops again and repeats the chasing, tackling, and throwing in the van routine. This time, he doesn't get back out. If you see this woman, please call the local authorities."
I really am grateful and surprised that someone did not catch this whole thing on camera and that I was not Facebook infamous or charged by CPS. You can't make this stuff up. Only Tobips* can.
*We affectionately call him Tobips sometimes because when he was learning to write his name he often reversed his "a" and gave it an extra long stem so it looked like a "p".
Monday, March 18, 2019
Tough Love
I give my boys "tough love" all the time. You know, when your kids is flipping out and claiming that you hate him because you've grounded him from his tablet because you caught him casually walking out of church, planning to just walk home without telling anyone in -10 degree weather? That's tough love. You are doing something hard so that your child grows up to be a safe and responsible person even though those big blue eyes swimming with tears makes you want to waive the punishment and let him play as much Lego Harry Potter as he wants.
However, I am also on the receiving end of tough love. In this case, the word "tough" means unbreakable, resilient, tough-as-nails, titanium, etc. This is the kind of love I receive from my two youngest who have, of late, become very verbose in their expressions of just how unbreakable and resilient their love for me is.
To be fair, their love has always been tough because it has always been very physical. Benjamin, for example, has never held much stock in personal space. He likes to sneak up next you and noodle his way beneath your arm or suddenly appear on your lap. As he is all angles, this can be a very painful process, like having a mace and chain wriggling its way into your armpit. Similarly, Tobias is a consummate snuggler. He has perfected the art of latching himself onto another person like a giant, adorable leach. His surprise-attack hugs have more than once almost knocked me off of my feet. He pops up when you least expect him, like between Marc and myself when we are embracing. He just wiggles himself right in there and yells "Squish hug!". Sometimes I feel as though he is trying to meld with me, like a physical version of the Vulcan mind meld. (If you get that reference, congratulations. You are a nerd.) Anyway, it was during one of these tough love sessions in which Benjamin had draped himself across my lap and Tobias had wrapped himself so tightly around my leg that I was in danger of losing circulation, that the verbal escalation began. It started like this:
Tobias: Mommy, I love you so much.
Me: I love you too, buddy.
Tobias: I love you more than you love me.
Me: I don't think that's possible buddy. I love you an awful lot.
Tobias: I love you with my whole heart!
Benjamin: Tobias! You can't love someone with your heart, you love them with your brain! Your heart just pumps blood. Your brain thinks and feels things.
Tobias: Then I love Mommy with my whole brain!
Benjamin: Then I love Mommy with my whole brain to infinity!
Tobias: I love Mommy with my whole brain and all the brains of everyone in the whole world to infinity!
That seemed to be the end of the conversation for the day. Predictably, with boys, something that should have been cute and sweet quickly turned into an anatomy lesson and a contest. Little did I know, that this tough love contest would continue. Our lovely nanny recorded the boys have the following conversation a few days later:
Benjamin: I love Mommy with all the brains of all the living and dead people and all the hearts of all the living and dead people. Their whole hearts!
Tobias: I love Mom with the whole entire multiverse.
Benjamin: I love Mommy so much, that when we went in a black hole we didn't die!
Tobias: I love Mom so much that when we're dead we're still living..... together...... forever....
Tobias said the last sentence in a weird cadence and then his voice trailed off in a kind of eerie manner. I wasn't sure if I should feel super loved and flattered, a little creeped out, impressed that talk of black holes and the multiverse is normal fodder for a 6 and 7 year old in my house, or just plain baffled. I laughed really hard when I heard the recording, and then wondered if I should call a child therapist.
As I've pondered, however, I think I'm going to go with flattered. I mean, if their love is powerful enough to carry one through a black hole, that is pretty serious stuff. Some light research reveals that black holes, at least theoretical electrically charged ones, might be survived with enough speed. You would have to move really fast through the Cauchy horizon to avoid being pulled apart by extreme gravity and/or crushed by whatever random objects the singularity is emitting at the moment. So yeah, that sounds like some pretty extreme love, and I'm sure he did his research so he knows what he's talking about. As far as cheating death, there's been only one reported case of love THAT tough, and I would be pretty proud if Tobias emulated that individual. He was pretty great. I guess, instead of thinking that they need a therapist, maybe Marc and I need to pat ourselves on the back. If OUR tough love is enabling this kind of tough love in our boys, maybe we are rocking this parenting thing. And if you disagree with me? Tough. Love you anyway.
However, I am also on the receiving end of tough love. In this case, the word "tough" means unbreakable, resilient, tough-as-nails, titanium, etc. This is the kind of love I receive from my two youngest who have, of late, become very verbose in their expressions of just how unbreakable and resilient their love for me is.
To be fair, their love has always been tough because it has always been very physical. Benjamin, for example, has never held much stock in personal space. He likes to sneak up next you and noodle his way beneath your arm or suddenly appear on your lap. As he is all angles, this can be a very painful process, like having a mace and chain wriggling its way into your armpit. Similarly, Tobias is a consummate snuggler. He has perfected the art of latching himself onto another person like a giant, adorable leach. His surprise-attack hugs have more than once almost knocked me off of my feet. He pops up when you least expect him, like between Marc and myself when we are embracing. He just wiggles himself right in there and yells "Squish hug!". Sometimes I feel as though he is trying to meld with me, like a physical version of the Vulcan mind meld. (If you get that reference, congratulations. You are a nerd.) Anyway, it was during one of these tough love sessions in which Benjamin had draped himself across my lap and Tobias had wrapped himself so tightly around my leg that I was in danger of losing circulation, that the verbal escalation began. It started like this:
Tobias: Mommy, I love you so much.
Me: I love you too, buddy.
Tobias: I love you more than you love me.
Me: I don't think that's possible buddy. I love you an awful lot.
Tobias: I love you with my whole heart!
Benjamin: Tobias! You can't love someone with your heart, you love them with your brain! Your heart just pumps blood. Your brain thinks and feels things.
Tobias: Then I love Mommy with my whole brain!
Benjamin: Then I love Mommy with my whole brain to infinity!
Tobias: I love Mommy with my whole brain and all the brains of everyone in the whole world to infinity!
That seemed to be the end of the conversation for the day. Predictably, with boys, something that should have been cute and sweet quickly turned into an anatomy lesson and a contest. Little did I know, that this tough love contest would continue. Our lovely nanny recorded the boys have the following conversation a few days later:
Benjamin: I love Mommy with all the brains of all the living and dead people and all the hearts of all the living and dead people. Their whole hearts!
Tobias: I love Mom with the whole entire multiverse.
Benjamin: I love Mommy so much, that when we went in a black hole we didn't die!
Tobias: I love Mom so much that when we're dead we're still living..... together...... forever....
Tobias said the last sentence in a weird cadence and then his voice trailed off in a kind of eerie manner. I wasn't sure if I should feel super loved and flattered, a little creeped out, impressed that talk of black holes and the multiverse is normal fodder for a 6 and 7 year old in my house, or just plain baffled. I laughed really hard when I heard the recording, and then wondered if I should call a child therapist.
As I've pondered, however, I think I'm going to go with flattered. I mean, if their love is powerful enough to carry one through a black hole, that is pretty serious stuff. Some light research reveals that black holes, at least theoretical electrically charged ones, might be survived with enough speed. You would have to move really fast through the Cauchy horizon to avoid being pulled apart by extreme gravity and/or crushed by whatever random objects the singularity is emitting at the moment. So yeah, that sounds like some pretty extreme love, and I'm sure he did his research so he knows what he's talking about. As far as cheating death, there's been only one reported case of love THAT tough, and I would be pretty proud if Tobias emulated that individual. He was pretty great. I guess, instead of thinking that they need a therapist, maybe Marc and I need to pat ourselves on the back. If OUR tough love is enabling this kind of tough love in our boys, maybe we are rocking this parenting thing. And if you disagree with me? Tough. Love you anyway.
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